On The Mend?

Yesterday I was feeling aggressive, as usual, which rarely pays off honestly. The aggression was turned away, but then she delighted Me by unfastening My boxers. I'll not bore [read spoil, I'm trying to get paid as a writer after all] any of you with the exact details but as I stood there I got to enjoy her use her lips, tongue and hands to please Me.

That is until someone began squirming, as they tend to do after 7 months in a cramp space. So I sat and got comfortable while she recovered. Eventually she moved to the floor on all fours to help ease the pressure [I assume, never had a head pressing into My pelvis]. After a short time she began another unexpected supprise, a bit of foot worship.

Needless to say that was more than enough to prompt Me to seek some relief while the kids were still sleeping. So sitting there with her rear hiked high in the air and her lips wandering and pleasing My foot I came. Hopefully things will improve along this same path.

Until later...

To Bind And To Conquer

I know it's been over a month since My last post. Things have been...strained...to say the least. For a VERY short recap sex has been mostly a no go still, maybe once a month, and because of a misunderstanding last night it might stay like that a while longer. All the pent up anger and frustration came to a head last night and Wwe ended up having a long conversation late into the night leaving Uus on little to no sleep today.

What it boils down to is that things have changed in Oour lives so quickly Wwe've never really taken time to reevaluate what Wwe want and how Wwe plan on going about providing it. In that respect I have just as much fault as she does and I wouldn't begin to say otherwise.

Since I have been doing a lot of soul searching when it comes to My writing it was nothing to shift gears and think long and hard on My relationship. From the things she had to say last night it boils down to what I want and how I want things to be in Oour life. That is infinitely simple yet so utterly complex in the same moment.

Boiling down everything to a basic level and building from there is simple enough, the real questions come when she enters the picture. What if she can't commit herself to those basic desires? What if she does, but not whole-heartily? How long would she be able to keep up a facade if she wasn't fully committed? What would I do if it fell apart again?

Then again I might just be over analyzing. After all these are going to be basic wants and expectations. Simple things that won't be hard to follow. I mean after all despite enjoying the bondage aspect of BDSM relationships its not a constant desire in Me. I enjoy the D/s aspect of it much more...almost to a fault some might say. With enough sensuality I could grow quite comfortable with just D/s.

Offline I'm working on a list of those base desires, trying to keep it simple but describing them fully enough that there is no doubt what expectations will be. Once they are finished and she knows them though what do I do as punishment for falling short of those expectations? I ask this first because rewards are so much easier. Physical punishment has more Cons than Pros usually, emotional and mental likewise. Things akin to 'timeout' are punishment to Me as well so never set well with Me.

Why think about punishment already? Everyone slips up. And yes, I know self-wrought punishment is far worse than what anyone else could devise but without proper rewards and punishments then its just human nature to become complacent.

With all that said I'm going to close this off for now and come back to it later after a bit more thinking and working.

Limited PoV

Last night was a unique night to say the least. After going a few nights on little to no sleep I decided to take an Ambien to see if it would help. I felt some effects; My vision losing focus, minor reduction in coordination and motor skills, minor reduction in cognitive function. Shortly after feeling those My body and mind began overcompensating much like when I start to get a buzz from drinking and soon I was active and energetic, and probably less annoying than I would normally be thanks to Tokko being on Sci-Fi. What can I say, I love My anime? In the end it didn't help Me fall asleep but I did stay asleep once I was out. But all this isn't what I really wanted to mention.

Last night once Wwe went to bed she began fondling Me and quickly moved on from gentle teasing to a more wanton touch. Maybe it was in part thanks to the Ambien, but I give credit more to My aggression building over such a prolonged period for what happened next. I tossed down the sheets and told her to 'get down there' which she did without too much fuss, laying her head on My stomach for a close view of when I would climax. Normally this is all I ask for or force...normally.

This time it wasn't enough and I promptly started forcing her head lower, being none too gentle as I made her take My cock into her mouth. Once I felt her lips around it I began gripping her hair and pumping her head up and down unmindful of the occassional scrape of her teeth or gagging sound she made. Normally I prefer slow gentle oral to build to a potent release, but again I think and feel that all My pent up desires from being refused and denied so often had finally built to an apex. When I did finally fill her mouth with My cum I was torn between holding there forcing her to swallow before shoving her aside and just letting her go spit it out like usual. After keeping her there long enough to insure it was finished I let her go.

I will openly admit I enjoyed forcing her, and if things continue as they are it might end up happening more often. Honestly I'm supprised I lasted this long without being more forceful, despite all the urges to rip/cut cloth barriers off and take what I want. The only thing that worries Me after the fact is her feelings. In the moment I admit I don't particularly care what they are but that is the nature of the beast. Last night after Wwe [or should it be I] finished she rolled over and slept on her side of the bed rather than curl up next to Me. This morning though she didn't pull away when I moved close [despite pressing/rubbing something hard against her rear]. So I'm left to either assume she enjoyed it on some level or assume shes complacent with what happened knowing things could have been worse. I guess I'll find out later when this is read.

A Drought Near An End

I've been bad [read exhausted] and haven't blogged in some time. Given My propensity to mention the sexual drought that's swept through My lovelife its only fitting I mention the good as well. In fact I would hate not to mention it and let everyone think that there is nothing but bad mojo in this house. Without further adue...

Several days ago Wwe had an appointment with WIC to insure the state flips the bill for formula. What came after the wifey got off work made the 3 freaking hours Wwe were in the clinic worth it. Since the appointment started around their nap time and it took more time than Wwe were expecting it was past the time I usually wake them up so I laid them down when Wwe got home and let them nap until nearly 7.

The wifey gets off around 5 usually and home around 5.5 so for most of that 1.5 hours the kids were out Wwe just sat on the couch relaxing. The light touching of My legs was nice and soothingly enjoyable...but then came the nails. Scraping. Stabbing. The first sign that more was to come. A substantual part of Me was hoping for oral considering how closer her face was to there as she continued, but I was not about to force it or mention it openly considering how much time and effort she was putting into one of the best hand jobs she's given in a long time. Infact the only one better than it was one where she made Me climax without Me having to assist. I was close this time, but by the time I was nearly there I'm sure her arm and wrist were getting tired and I have no shame in finishing what she starts if she joins in.

The next day I was woken to a hand job while the kids slept peacefully, even the DD [8m] who is usually up with or before Uus. Needless to say she's bought a few more weeks of patience on My part, though I'll not complain if she does more before that time is up.

Well that is all for now, Wwe'll see if I post anything about Mother's Day next week.

Of The Sleepless Nights

Its come to pass that this blog is My repository for complaints and issues I just can't or won't openly vocalize otherwise. When did I become a diary writer? I'll just tack it up to the domestication like many other things I do now.

For as long as I can recall sex has been a replacement for affection, and for the most part that is still true. More specifically she has become more affectionate than she used to be this pregnancy, but it seems at the cost of sex lately. It's been over a month since Wwe've done anything sexual, and not for lack of time or energy for once. It also hasn't been for lack of trying on My part I think. I've tried being subtle, and not so subtle, and the next stage is usually the 'fuck it' stage. Not this time though, as My mind slips into two different tracks of thought.

That first track is to be expected if you know anything of Me. Take what I want by force, and I don't mean just being rougher than usual. Think about that a moment, then feel free to get disgusted and close this blog out without finishing. If you're still reading would mentioning I would relish it to some degree run you off? Now that I'm finished with that I'll move on to My real concern, that other train of thought.

I'm not a self-conscious person. I think and feel what I want and give little care what anyone else thinks of it or Me. At least that is who I've been the better part of My life. These unwanted thoughts have been creeping into My mind slowly over the past year. Is it My fault? Am I less attractive now, since I have been putting on more weight? Have I been too aggressive? Not aggressive enough?

I've slept like shit lately because of all these thoughts, and I feel like doing next to nothing because of how exhausting it can be to keep My thoughts and actions in check and care for the kids. Hence the importance of her becoming more affectionate, as it is probably one of the only things keeping Me from slipping into anger and forceful actions because of My frustrations.

And now I'm done for now, and Wwe will see what comes of it.

Well Rested

For once in a long time. The bonus is I have a theory as to why. Last night while in bed I recieved a bit of attention below the waist from My doting girl. Nothing too involved like oral, just some gentle petting. It was relaxing, and that is something I have a hard time doing on My own. Now I doubt the region in question was the main component in that relaxation [in other words kissing/caressing someplace like the back would work too]. But that's all for now, its late, its raining, I'm the only one awake, and I need sleep. Just wanted that said while it was still on My mind.

A Swell Of Darkness

I know the wifey is loving and considerate, and 99% of the time she is a very good girl. The problem right now is mostly with Me. I have a few darker delights that I won't own up to publicly, even on an anonamous blog that no one reads. Ofcourse she knows about it, and didn't overreact when she found out. Which says a lot about how much love there is in the relationship. The problem comes during these long stints of no or sporatic intamacy. Last night after several not so subtle hints something needed to be said. During these long stints those thoughts and desires well up at an alarming rate until I need to do something about it. And I did. Last week I indulged those urges but have been hiding the evidence, up until now anyways since I'm removing it completely like she asked Me to do before. I don't like the fact that this...sickness...is rooted so deeply in Me. I just try to survive with it until I figure out how to be rid of it.