A Father's Love

Endearing title huh? The reality not so much. First the backstory. The man I knew as My father for the first 5 years of My life wasn't My biological propogator, which is all for the better. After all, I don't have many [minus the m] fond memories of the man. Come age 6 the long and arduous task of adjusting to the reality of My birth came.

For the next 15 years it became a love/hate relationship. Or is that love to hate? Either way there are a few fond memories; baseball, cars, LCSO Explorer's. But, in the end there remained a deep seeded resentment that was only recently begining to truely die.

When it came time to leave Hell for the last time the family was splitting. He got an apt on the other side of the county pretty much leaving the wifey and Me to take care of the house and property that were getting sold from under us. In reality it was more on Me since she had just given birth to our DS [19m].

That little fact was offset by the revelation that it wasn't entirely his fault he got a late start in My life. My recently passed grandmother had a hand in it, as did My mother. So a resent him moment became a resent the entire family moment. That wasn't a far step from how I already felt about them. What can I say, My family dynamics have always alienated Me.

Fast forward a year later, after the move half way across the country. Wwe just recently moved from a two bed apt next to a college to just outside of town into a nicer cheaper two bed apt. While I'm unpacking the kids' room I get a call from said astranged father. Mind you, this is the first call since leaving Hell. He gives the sentimental spill, mentions the new grandchild DD [5m], and would love to get pics. I agree, ofcourse that was just to be civil. I figure be civil maybe he can try to make amends.

I take the next step, calling the next weekend with no answer or reply until the middle of the week. Trying would be nice, but what can I expect. Much of the same bullshit is exchanged, I tell him were a couple of pics of the DD [5m] are. The best part is coming, bare with Me.

Last weekend I find out two things at once about said father from My mother, who's now divorced for time number 2 and dating. Great for her I think, especially after the bit of news I found out about before that. Apparently he, not the bf the father, went in for heart surgery to have a stint put in. I knew that was coming eventually, he wasn't the healthiest person. The next bit of info was the bombshell. Not only had he already been dating, he was remarried.

A bit quick I think, plus not only have I not heard from him in nearly a year. Mind you, he has My email and the cellphone number. Even if he doesn't have the cell number [caller id makes that impossible] I talk to My grandmother [his mother] every week or so, which means he as access to it. Mind you, I found this out from his exwife [who he divorced within 4 months of us leaving Hell, nice that they tried to hide it while Wwe were living there....not really] but she found it out from a friend that goes to the same church. Finding out something like that third hand is a bit insulting.

So the next weekend, this past one, I call the grandmother to chit chat. She brings up the stint, mentioning that his bad health actually spared his life as the plaque was all that was keeping him from bleeding to death. I also found out that My family still hides things from Me to keep from rocking the boat when it makes it that much worse when I do find out.

Well that night I start to wonder am I as fucked up a husband as My father was. After a sleepy no from the wifey I lay awake wondering if thats just a placating comment so I will leave her alone and go to sleep. After an hour or two of sleep the day starts anew and I actually wish him well in Myown fucked up way. Obvioulsy he did wonders with Me, his first son, so I wish him well in that if he has kids I hope he doesn't fuck them up as much as he did Me....even though I SERIOUSLY doubt he will live to see them enter adulthood. In the end I'll just strive to do everything opposite the father figures in both our lives and I should do great.

Fin.

Milestones

DS [19m] began stacking wooden alphabet blocks today, unfortunately he has My temperment so them falling was frustrating him. So while Wwe were out getting the remainder of our groceries we bought him wooden building blocks. He's still down for a nap, but after Wwe'll see how he takes to his new toy.

DD [5m] was sitting tripod this morning as well while her big bro was playing with his blocks. Wwe noticed too that when she was on her belly she has started scooting herself backwards. Paired with the fact just last week she started getting really good at turning in circles Wwe think she'll be crawling before long. Guess it helps to have her big bro to mimic.

An Update

And this is why I don't regularly keep a blog, I don't regularly update. In the time since a last real update the DD [Darling Daughter, the youngest so far] has cut 2 teeth, started rolling over, moved on to rice cereal which she eats better than the DS [Darling Son obviously, oldest for us]. And that's about it. Other than the fucked up things in My head My life is pretty normal and quiet. Signing off for now.

Do You Have An Inclination For BDSM or Things I Already Know

Do you have an inclination for BDSM? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Experimental (((Note: I haven't covered all aspects of BDSM in this quiz due to the length the quiz would have to be. It is sex-based because psychological profiles can be complicated and motivations for engaging in fetishes vary with couples and individuals. I have written this category as one of the alternatives because this quiz is to test inclination not a definite interest in BDSM.))) Experimentation is a great place to be. Open-mindedness when it comes to sexuality can open doors and allow you to discover things that you didn't think you would find engaging. Having such a curious attitude can help you learn more about your own sexual nature as well as the nature of others. Experimental 96% Sadist 86% Masochist 82% Switch 82% Dominant 71% Exhibitionist / Voyeur 71% Bondage 61% Submissive 50% Degradation Lover 32% Vanilla 14%

A Cycle Renewed

Let us start with this when we woke up. It was with a back rub, firm enough to relax muscles without being forceful. This alone told of a great start to the new year but then things improved drastically. After she finished I rolled from My stomach to My side and pressed My back agianst her lightly expecting an arm around Me and some cuddling while still half asleep. At first thats just what I got, but after several long moments her hand inched down and began petting and stroking.

This was even more promising. Once I'm worked up and ready to roll over and do a bit of fondling and playing Myself someone wakes up. Thats fine, after all, she's off from work today and through practice and patience I've gotten the princess [4 months old] and baby godzilla [19 months old] to both nap around noon and stay down till 2 atleast. So whats started will be finished later....

Atleast that was the initial assumption. Once both of the kiddos were down I learned differently. Now I'm not saying I was expecting an hour and a half long hard fucking. That would just be ignorant and insensitive on My part. She's in the middle of her first trimester with the third pregnancy, and this time the sickness is a bit worse than before. So when they went down I was hoping and expecting a bit of playing, maybe some oral or just a bit of stroking then I would finish.

Me finishing has never been a problem, she does so well at working Me up that I'm worked up for a few days. So much that thinking about some of the things we've done is all it takes for Me to need another release. So when she can't physically help she does so with a few words to spark some thoughts. In the end, sex and even masterbation for Me isn't just a matter of doing it. There's is emotion there, so if she doesn't want anything to do with it I'm just not interested.

The problem lies in her working Me up then wanting nothing to do with it. I love being teased, under the assumption that in the near future there will be a release. We've had conversations about her doing this and how much I hate it...we've had arguements about it...I've punished her over it...but it still happens. Not to say she doesn't improve, for a time, after I confront her about it.

Back to the matter at hand, todays digression. Both kids are down, and while she was in the kitchen I slip in and press close to her. I run My hands over her body, kiss the back of her neck. She doesn't react, not in a favorable way anyways, so I whisper 'both kids are asleep, time for both of us to strip.' Mind you, humor is a big part of our relationship and more than one time Me joking about wanting sex has ended up with us having great sex. Her answer was no, 'I don't think so' to be exact [I think]. As I walk away I say 'I expected that.' Cold. Monotone. And a beat later 'Yet you still tried, I have to give you kudos for that.'

At that point I was ready to either scream and yell or shut down. Given My violence tendancies when I yell I chose to shut down, sitting down at the computer in silence and waiting/watching her for a moment. No sign of remorse, pentance, or even that she realizes shes done it yet again. So I went to take a shower, fume a bit in the hot water, and then came and typed this up. Still no clue that she's upset Me, over on the couch eating a piece of cake and doing puzzles.

That's it for now....we'll see what she says after reading this.