A Father's Love

Endearing title huh? The reality not so much. First the backstory. The man I knew as My father for the first 5 years of My life wasn't My biological propogator, which is all for the better. After all, I don't have many [minus the m] fond memories of the man. Come age 6 the long and arduous task of adjusting to the reality of My birth came.

For the next 15 years it became a love/hate relationship. Or is that love to hate? Either way there are a few fond memories; baseball, cars, LCSO Explorer's. But, in the end there remained a deep seeded resentment that was only recently begining to truely die.

When it came time to leave Hell for the last time the family was splitting. He got an apt on the other side of the county pretty much leaving the wifey and Me to take care of the house and property that were getting sold from under us. In reality it was more on Me since she had just given birth to our DS [19m].

That little fact was offset by the revelation that it wasn't entirely his fault he got a late start in My life. My recently passed grandmother had a hand in it, as did My mother. So a resent him moment became a resent the entire family moment. That wasn't a far step from how I already felt about them. What can I say, My family dynamics have always alienated Me.

Fast forward a year later, after the move half way across the country. Wwe just recently moved from a two bed apt next to a college to just outside of town into a nicer cheaper two bed apt. While I'm unpacking the kids' room I get a call from said astranged father. Mind you, this is the first call since leaving Hell. He gives the sentimental spill, mentions the new grandchild DD [5m], and would love to get pics. I agree, ofcourse that was just to be civil. I figure be civil maybe he can try to make amends.

I take the next step, calling the next weekend with no answer or reply until the middle of the week. Trying would be nice, but what can I expect. Much of the same bullshit is exchanged, I tell him were a couple of pics of the DD [5m] are. The best part is coming, bare with Me.

Last weekend I find out two things at once about said father from My mother, who's now divorced for time number 2 and dating. Great for her I think, especially after the bit of news I found out about before that. Apparently he, not the bf the father, went in for heart surgery to have a stint put in. I knew that was coming eventually, he wasn't the healthiest person. The next bit of info was the bombshell. Not only had he already been dating, he was remarried.

A bit quick I think, plus not only have I not heard from him in nearly a year. Mind you, he has My email and the cellphone number. Even if he doesn't have the cell number [caller id makes that impossible] I talk to My grandmother [his mother] every week or so, which means he as access to it. Mind you, I found this out from his exwife [who he divorced within 4 months of us leaving Hell, nice that they tried to hide it while Wwe were living there....not really] but she found it out from a friend that goes to the same church. Finding out something like that third hand is a bit insulting.

So the next weekend, this past one, I call the grandmother to chit chat. She brings up the stint, mentioning that his bad health actually spared his life as the plaque was all that was keeping him from bleeding to death. I also found out that My family still hides things from Me to keep from rocking the boat when it makes it that much worse when I do find out.

Well that night I start to wonder am I as fucked up a husband as My father was. After a sleepy no from the wifey I lay awake wondering if thats just a placating comment so I will leave her alone and go to sleep. After an hour or two of sleep the day starts anew and I actually wish him well in Myown fucked up way. Obvioulsy he did wonders with Me, his first son, so I wish him well in that if he has kids I hope he doesn't fuck them up as much as he did Me....even though I SERIOUSLY doubt he will live to see them enter adulthood. In the end I'll just strive to do everything opposite the father figures in both our lives and I should do great.

Fin.