Of The Sleepless Nights

Its come to pass that this blog is My repository for complaints and issues I just can't or won't openly vocalize otherwise. When did I become a diary writer? I'll just tack it up to the domestication like many other things I do now.

For as long as I can recall sex has been a replacement for affection, and for the most part that is still true. More specifically she has become more affectionate than she used to be this pregnancy, but it seems at the cost of sex lately. It's been over a month since Wwe've done anything sexual, and not for lack of time or energy for once. It also hasn't been for lack of trying on My part I think. I've tried being subtle, and not so subtle, and the next stage is usually the 'fuck it' stage. Not this time though, as My mind slips into two different tracks of thought.

That first track is to be expected if you know anything of Me. Take what I want by force, and I don't mean just being rougher than usual. Think about that a moment, then feel free to get disgusted and close this blog out without finishing. If you're still reading would mentioning I would relish it to some degree run you off? Now that I'm finished with that I'll move on to My real concern, that other train of thought.

I'm not a self-conscious person. I think and feel what I want and give little care what anyone else thinks of it or Me. At least that is who I've been the better part of My life. These unwanted thoughts have been creeping into My mind slowly over the past year. Is it My fault? Am I less attractive now, since I have been putting on more weight? Have I been too aggressive? Not aggressive enough?

I've slept like shit lately because of all these thoughts, and I feel like doing next to nothing because of how exhausting it can be to keep My thoughts and actions in check and care for the kids. Hence the importance of her becoming more affectionate, as it is probably one of the only things keeping Me from slipping into anger and forceful actions because of My frustrations.

And now I'm done for now, and Wwe will see what comes of it.